Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Day 13: The To-Do List

"This is not an easy identity to claim because to deserve being loved our society requires us to be successful, popular, or powerful.  But God does not require our success, popularity, or power in order to love us.  Once we discern our identity and accept God's unconditional love, we are free to live in the world without being owned by the world."
-Henri Nouwen, "Discernment: Reading the Signs of Daily Life"

I haven't vacuumed yet today.

I let my toddler watch some TV while I cleaned up breakfast, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, made the bed and started some laundry this morning.  After his TV show was over, I was planning on vacuuming upstairs, but the toddler would not let me out of his sight.

Then I noticed it wasn't raining anymore and decided we should take a walk.

We both put on our rain boots and coats and had a fun hour jumping in puddles, walking through leaf piles waiting for disposal on the sides of the road, and throwing rocks down the sewer grates.

I have to confess that I found myself pushing the toddler so we could get back home and I could finish the to-do list present in my head.  Instead of savoring the time I had with him, I was finding my worth in what I finished for the day before I had the fun of taking a walk.

I don't struggle with wanting to be popular.  I know I am not powerful.  But every day I wrestle with my to-do list as a measure of my success.  Completing it means I'm a good person and I can love myself that day.

Walking with my boy, I realized with a jolt that he will probably be in preschool by this time next year.  I can felt this season of staying at home slipping away.

I don't want my kids to just remember mom being busy all the time with tasks and never taking a walk with them.

I want to rest in God's unconditional love for me, and in turn love my kids and those around me for who they are, not what they do.

I haven't vacuumed today, but I'm to going to let that task define me.  I will rest in being the Beloved, and let the remainder of my day flow from that knowledge.

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