-Henri Nouwen, "Discernment: Reading the Signs of Daily Life"
I haven't vacuumed yet today.
I let my toddler watch some TV while I cleaned up breakfast, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, made the bed and started some laundry this morning. After his TV show was over, I was planning on vacuuming upstairs, but the toddler would not let me out of his sight.
Then I noticed it wasn't raining anymore and decided we should take a walk.
We both put on our rain boots and coats and had a fun hour jumping in puddles, walking through leaf piles waiting for disposal on the sides of the road, and throwing rocks down the sewer grates.
I have to confess that I found myself pushing the toddler so we could get back home and I could finish the to-do list present in my head. Instead of savoring the time I had with him, I was finding my worth in what I finished for the day before I had the fun of taking a walk.
I don't struggle with wanting to be popular. I know I am not powerful. But every day I wrestle with my to-do list as a measure of my success. Completing it means I'm a good person and I can love myself that day.
Walking with my boy, I realized with a jolt that he will probably be in preschool by this time next year. I can felt this season of staying at home slipping away.
I don't want my kids to just remember mom being busy all the time with tasks and never taking a walk with them.
I want to rest in God's unconditional love for me, and in turn love my kids and those around me for who they are, not what they do.
I haven't vacuumed today, but I'm to going to let that task define me. I will rest in being the Beloved, and let the remainder of my day flow from that knowledge.