So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
I'm beginning to see a pattern here.
Even early on in my writing this month, I found myself thinking and blogging about issues I've already wrote about before-anxiety, my to-do list obsessions, learning to trust God when things don't go the way I planned.
I remember telling some friends early on in the process that I felt like I was banging my head against the wall. I was backtracking again to things I should already know! Does this mean I'm not moving forward in my walk with Christ?
If you're anything like me, you feel like this spiritual life shouldn't be so messy. So full of mistakes. It can lead you towards despair- "What a wretched man I am!"
But God doesn't end with us there. If we believe in Him and trust Him, He is not waiting to condemn us or for us to get it right the first time. He knows we have good and evil warring inside of us every day.
So what is our duty? We chose Jesus. We chose to live as delivered ones for now, waiting for the perfection that is to come.
In my conversation that day about the lessons I'm relearning, I found the grace to laugh and say that the Lord honors us in the midst of our struggles. He is patient with us, always waiting to deliver us, no matter how many times we stumble into that same pile of worries again. He is the one who will "rescue me from this body that is subject to death."
Thanks be to God.