Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Wifey Wednesday: Great Expectations

Wedding season is upon us, friends!  It's a lovely time celebrating life, love and the hope of happily ever after for our friends and family.  Lately I've been seeing quite a few posts about marriage and expectations, so on this Wifey Wednesday I thought I'd share some links with you.

I also wanted to tell you this story.

Shortly after Hubs and I were engaged, I went to visit him at his efficiency apartment.  He had just been hired as a news writer/anchor and was living on his own for the first time.  The apartment was tiny, but clean except for a stack of dishes in the sink.

Like the good woman I am, I offered to wash the dishes for my future Hubs.  I scrubbed them happily, dreaming of the day I would do this for him forever.

Let me tell you...a few sinks full of dishes later that feeling faded fast!  To be clear, Hubs has done our dishes a few times, especially when I was pregnant and tired, but it is a chore that he HATES (I put that in all caps for a reason.)  Since we currently do not have a working dishwasher, I continue to be the one who tackles that chore.  Every now and then I think back to that day in his tiny apartment and I smile.

Not doing the dishes every night became one expectation of mine that had to die.  As much as I know future brides don't like to hear this, there will be many, many expectations in your life together that will take the same path.  Some of them will be trivial, like chores, but others may be big ones.  It's in those moments of a thousand little (or one huge) blow to our plans for our marriage that we have a choice: We can choose to be bitter and fight for what we want or we can choose to accept our circumstances, give our husbands grace, and move on in acceptance.  As followers of Christ, we also must remember Jesus' example for us:

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
  Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 
    rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness. 
 And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!" -Phil. 2:5-8.

So, future brides, enter into the marriage covenant knowing that parts of the life you have longed to live with your beloved won't come into fruition, and that is OK.  When disappointment happens, take a deep breath, a step back and remember: No one's life is perfect and in the midst of these "little deaths" Christ is doing a good work in you.

And now for the Links!

If you are single and struggling through wedding season, read this post by a friend of mine from college.  It's sure to be cathartic for you and encourage you in knowing that you are not alone.

If you're about to be married or have a good friend who is getting married, read this article by one of my favorite marriage bloggers.  Don't be put off by the title-you may not be marrying "the wrong person", but there is still so much wisdom packed into this post.

 If you think you won't be one of *those couples* who loses the magic after a few years, read this.  The illustration of marriage and home ownership is spot on.